from Rilke, a book bought today at Epilogue

Why I started readying "The Notebooks of Malte Laurids Brigge" today, as opposed to some book that has been languishing on the shelves for ages is hard to say, but I did find, on page 15, this passage: "What's the use of telling anyone that I am changing? If I am changing, then surely I am no longer the person I was, and if I am something else than heretofore, then it is clear that I have no acquaintances. And to strange people, to people who do not know me, I cannot possibly write."

The reason the passage struck me is that is resembled a phone conversation with my sister regarding our relationship with various other members of the family. For both of us, our mother has sort of morphed into a person we no longer really know (and who no longer knows us), though the odd kicker is that neither of us really want to apply the effort to know this person. Certain family functions will still bring us together, but there is little really to talk about. My life experience is so far removed from theirs, I might as well speak Greek around them, and personally I have very little interest in activities at Mom's church, which is not one of the many I attended growing up. With that said, there is very little common ground, and very little to make a smooth conversation, which makes getting reacquainted rather cumbersome. The pauses in a recent phone conversation had me wonder if there was much of anything we could talk about, though she was on her cell phone and there were other things causing distraction, so maybe I am wrong. For the sake of things, I did mention I wouldn't be able to see the fireworks from my balcony, and the response was of the "well, I haven't seen your balcony" sort of comments, to which I should add, that after living here for three years, it isn't my fault you haven't chosen to visit. Family always supplies one with interesting observations on life, and if one thinks about it, observations regarding that most basic and complex of relationships.

On a different note, there have been people who I have kept in contact with, who have changed as I have changed, and who make a constant effort to relate, and to those people, I will likely never be "strange" in the sense used by Rilke, though I may be odd.