Marriage (and my changing opinion of it)

When I was younger, I thought "gay" marriage
would lead to nothing but "gay" divorce.

As a child of divorce, this made sense.

Then, as I got older, I learned marriage
wasn't just a pre-req for divorce.

As a child of divorce, what changed?

My father, who said he would never do it again,
married someone, someone he dated for years.

As a man of divorce, what changed?

Certainly not my mother,
happily remarried for 30 plus years.

As a man of divorce, what changed?

Cancer changed things, and my father,
being a man, didn't wish to burden his mother.

As a man of divorce, what changed?

His treatment should not be the burden
of the one who brought him into the world,

but rather, what changed?

Was his decision to let the woman,
The woman he had lived with for twenty years

Twenty plus years? what changed?

His decision that they should decide, together
what was to follow, and how to cope.

As a man of divorce, what changed?

He decided, after many years, to remarry.
Because their future was together.

As a child of divorce, what changed?

I learned that not all marriage
was strictly a divorce in the making.

As a child of divorce, what changed?

I learned that life happens, and
who you love requires a legal commitment.

As a child of divorce, what changed?

Her church doesn't recognize
Her commitment to him.

As a gay man, what changed?

Knowing my father's relationship
is valid legally, though not religiously.

As a gay man, what changed?

If I were in the same position, with one I loved,
then I would make the same choice as my father.

Kate Sherwood's Long Shadows

Before venturing into the book review, today has mostly been spent sleeping and playing Elder Scrolls Online.  I am still trying to get a character there up to 50, but it will be a bit.  After leaving the game, I looked around the kitchen for food.  Bachelor food is always interesting, but this wasn't frozen tonight, instead I found tortillas, salsa, maxi-blend cheese, and some bacon that I had already cooked.  Layering tortillas, salsa, chopped bacon, and cheese, then cooking them in the oven to warm everything up, and you have bacon tacos.  Surely not something to win an award, but it was quick and easy.

Anyway, after finishing my snack/dinner, I focused on finishing Kate Sherwood's newest "Long Shadows."  Over on Goodreads I mentioned that it was sort of a book-length prologue for her new series, and I will stick with that description.  She fleshes out the characters, covers a good deal of back story, and creates a current story where these are all explored, while wrapping the book up in a way that is not a cliff-hanger.  Yes, there are unanswered questions, but there need to be in order to set up the series.  Since there is nothing life-threatening left at the end, I don't consider it a cliff-hanger.  For those who like MM Romance, it is a reunion book, but one with no make up sex, even though Jericho and Wade haven't seen each other in fifteen years.  Sometimes a romance is even better when the set up is explored and the relationship is more fully developed, and this is what I think Ms Sherwood is aiming for -- creating a set of characters we like regardless of what happens in the bedroom.  Those two and Kayla (also a childhood friend), now the sheriff, will have an interesting time in the books ahead.  Riptide is the publisher, and while I don't know if they still have all four available as a bundle, I bought the set because I have enjoyed Ms Sherwood's previous work.

One last thing, Kayla is described as having been a tomboy in her youth, and here she is twice divorced, and here I am hoping the Ms Sherwood doesn't make her a lesbian, because a nice non-stereotypical woman in a role of responsibility, that is not a mother, is a nice to see.

Aeneid, Book VI, translated by Seamus Heaney

This is one I bought because I enjoy the work of the translator, because in all honesty, Virgil does not rank high amongst my favorites of the ancients.  This translation though, I did enjoy.  Perhaps it is just time, but I could clearly see where Dante pulled some ideas, which I don't recall noticing in whatever earlier reading I would have done in university.

Rather than "rosy-fingered Dawn" we have "Dawn in her rose-flushed chariot" which I rather like.  There is much to like here, even if you aren't a major fan of Virgil. (It is only one section of that big book, so it isn't quite that bad.)

Vagaries of Resolutions

Yep, with the New Year comes that inevitable question about what resolutions are you making.  I actually gave up on resolutions more than a few years ago, when I learned that what they were for me was a list of what I wouldn't accomplish that year.  Why they never got done is hard to say, since I am not sure if I kept track of what they were and when they died in any given year.

For me now, a resolution would need to be pretty specific, for example, if I said I intended to read more poetry, is that just more poems?  And if it isn't more poems, how do you factor in those book length works, one poem?  Again, if I were making that resolution, I would have to figure out how to qualify it so I could measure if I accomplished it.

Considering this blog, would a resolution be to write in it more than last year?  Would a better resolution to be to write in it more regularly than last year, regardless of total number of posts?  Again, it is a resolution too vague to actually be measurable, unless I wrote more entries over more months than I did in 2016.

I feel for one of the managers at work.  He is taller than me and decided his resolution would be losing 25 pounds in 13 weeks.  From what he said last night during the shift, he is planning on doing it by cutting his calorie intake to 1000 a day or something ridiculous.  Maybe it will work for him, but my hunch is he is doing himself more harm than good.

The main reason I don't do resolutions, is that life always gets involved, and when life is going on, then whether you get a blog entry done or not is totally irrelevant.  I like having the time to write, and I like being able to share what I am reading here.  I don't really write here to accomplish a specific goal, there is no overarching theme of my blog, like book reviews, current events, or some sort of project, but rather a running commentary of what I choose to share, and when I get a bit distracted or busy, well, then like last week, there is no sharing, though I did get a character from level 22 to level 37 last week, which was one reason I spent too much time online (ESO).

Ernest Cline's "The Importance of Being Ernest"

Over the weekend I finished Ernest Cline's book of poetry, "The Importance of Being Ernest."  Unfortunately it was not for me, though I can't say if it was his style or his subject matter, perhaps I am not the right sort, since I liked Knight Rider and the author was an Airwolf fan.  Maybe like Tolstoi or Dostoyevski, folks tend to like on or the other, but not both, and that difference shows up in other choices as well.  Anyway, it was an interesting read, but it never quite sang to me, and I never found those lines I felt compelled to share.  Poetry is so subjective that I will just say it wasn't my cup of tea, though I am sure it is someone's, since his verse did get published..

Blame it on Elder Scrolls Online

Sorry, this week has totally been a bust with regards to new posts, but I have been hanging out in Elder Scrolls Online (One Tamriel and all that), and in my efforts to level a character, I have neglected my blog.  Apologies to anyone regularly reading.

Focus would be nice

Looking over this blog there is a post referencing Carlos Pintado's "Nine Coins" and believe it or not I still have not finished it.  As such, it is my next goal, because I have way too much piled up in that chair, and the pile keeps getting bigger.

Anyway, after having spent the day in Elder Scrolls Online (ESO) doing their holiday quests, I decided to venture away from the computer.  In doing so, I found the poem "Roman Catalog" which has this final stanza:

The light would sometimes skim across him, shyly,
and I was the light
of a lamp about to go out.

This stanza is preceded by one mentioning a nude person and a wicked beast, which sets this one up nicely, but I like this stanza better.

IRL, by Tommy Pico

I forgot to mention in my earlier post that I finished Pico's "IRL" which was a fun read, well as fun a poetry is supposed to be.  It gave all the things a long poem should give you, warm fuzzies, delightful imagery, and the occasional punch to the gut.  On FB, I advised folks to add it to their reading lists, especially if it wasn't something they would normally read, and I will repeat that recommendation here.  It is a good thing I have plenty of books to read from now until April, when the second book is due.

Here is a link that should allow you to order in pdf or print.

Fragmentation (and assimilation)

Our country is supposed to be one big melting pot, and that probably worked fine never.  With our start we had the have and have-nots (slaves), and as time progressed, the have-nots moved to include the Irish, Polish, Jews, and Germans (not in that order).  The newer have-nots eventually assimilated, but the descendants of the slaves, in general, continued to be the have-nots.  We also began seeing asians and hispanics, many of which also assimilated, though as yet to not the same degree, as Chinatowns and hispanic neighborhoods in major cities attest, but give them time and eventually all will boil down into the pot.  Eventually they should all boil down into Americans, but for some reason, something has prompted the need for American to have a prefix, so now we don't have Americans, but we have Nationality/Ethnicity-Americans.  And while some of these Americans have merged seamlessly with the whole, many have not, and at the rate we are going, they won't.  For me, three groups stand out in this tapestry, African, Hispanic, and Native, as groups that still receive a disproportionate amount of bigotry, and oddly, those groups have been with us the longest.  I wish the answer was just as simple as "We are all Americans," but it isn't and until everyone, regardless of their hyphenate, is treated equally, we will continue to have problems.  At some point Euro-Americans need to get the point, and as long as they continue to believe they hold all the answers, while apparently holding none (since they don't discuss these things with the others), we will have discord.  That discord will only be amplified as Muslim-Americans are added to the mix, especially as they are being demonized, perhaps worse than the Irish.  Distrust of change is fine, but at some point that distrust needle should move forward, and how long is too long... slavery ended in this country over 150 years ago, the indigenous peoples were here before us, and after the Mexican-American war (which ended in 1848) the United States added a large hispanic population.

If assimilation is them giving up knowledge of their mother tongue and tossing their culture aside, then I would say the cost outweighs the benefits, but if assimilation means treating them fairly in the eyes of the law, perhaps we should try for that, because in this country the law is supposed to treat everyone fairly, even rich billionaires.

[This sort of rambled, but I am posting it anyway.]

What caught my eye recently (Poetry)

Perhaps I should wait until I finish them before writing about books, but I don't really want to, especially with poetry, and especially when I find a bit I want to share.  I should probably transcribe it into some notebook or whatever, but I am not doing that, I am sharing with anyone who cares to read it a few lines I liked:

Books are fallible, towers
of letters with the power
you give them.  It's heartbreaking
to watch your pillars fall
                                (IRL, p.70, Tommy Pico)

I'll keep my views to myself on this one, since I truly think everyone reads poetry differently, even those who claim not to get it, when they read it, may find something, even if that something is confusion.  Poetry is words, and I will be the first to say that I don't "get" all poetry, and if a poem doesn't grab my attention, then I will finish it, but not really look for other poems by that author.

There was something else I ran across sometime late last week.  Amongst other things I am hoping to finish up "The Best American Poetry (2015)" before the year ends.  There are a lot of gems in the book, but I really like "Body & Kentucky Bourbon" by Saeed Jones.  It started evocatively and just continued on:

In the dark, my mind's night, I go back
to your work-calloused hands, your body

an the memory of fields I no longer see.

If I am not careful, I would just type the whole poem (it is that good, and not really that long), but I am not sure the publisher would appreciate that.

Weekends mean work for me, so I don't get things updated here often then, if you are reading, don't get distressed with nothing new on those days.

Name calling and other 21st Century style political discussion

I am constantly amazed that Bill Clinton left office with a balanced budget in place, and did that while working with a Republican Congress.  What I have seen on so many comment posts about politics is they are filled with petty nicknames for the two parties which is just pathetic.  I have no love of Trump, personally I think he is a disaster, but just as I have had to listen streams of discontent with Obama over the past eight years, some coming from Trump himself, then I only think it is fair that Trump's supporters gird their loins and listen to the other side as well, even if you don't agree.  The name calling won't stop because for whatever reason it makes people feel good (I showed them I called them a name!), and the fact it makes everyone sound like they are in a schoolyard reduces the level of discourse.  I won't deny that it has always been a part of the discourse, but too often it seems to drown out the voices who bring valid points.  Frequently the counter argument is something to the effect of you (insert political party here) are so dumb you just don't get it, and to add another derail argument, "This is Fake News, so there is nothing to respond to."  Whatever the concern is it is Fake News, and if it is sourced from the government, "they can't be trusted."  The current level of discourse is such that no source is accurate or reliable.  Perhaps the left, with its general trust in government intelligence, though that intelligence has proven itself fallible, should just go out an make unfounded statements, the most egregious currently going around is about "millions of illegal voters for Clinton," a number I have seen rounded to three million, just to wipe out her popular vote margin of victory.  They repeat Trumps comments, but even Trump has no support on this one, and as pointed out by some folks, many of the states elections are run by Republicans, meaning that if there is this massive voter fraud, it was done with Republicans at the helm, which means Trump is condemning his own supporters (again, nothing new).

Here is a link to a story from my Google+ feed that has comments that support much of what I have said (prompting this post).

Lionel Shriver (again)

A few months back I commented that I supported Lionel Shriver's assertion that fiction writers should be able to write what they would like.  I still believe that, though if I had known that she had actually shown up in a sombrero, there is a good chance I would have looked at her comments differently.  Obviously she wanted to cause an uproar and start a conversation, and it is debatable whether it could have been done as effectively without such an in your face visual.  I do think fiction writers should be able to write what they would like, but I also feel that if they do a poor job, and the community wronged expresses their opinions as to why, then the author should listen.  The commentary may or may not influence the author in future works, but listening and weighing those opinions allow an author to improve.  In The Guardian (UK), someone said she handled it crassly, but I honestly do think, as Trump proved, that an in your face so you can't ignore it approach is sometimes necessary.  The conversation was started; however gracelessly, and it is one that need to be broached.  We, as humans, regardless of race or creed, need to figure out how to get along, but with no conversation even begun, then there will be no road to resolution, and because it started a widespread discussion then it was a useful bit of theatrics.  Just because something is politically correct doesn't mean that it is effective, and for proof look at Mel Brooks' "Blazing Saddles," which is so politically incorrect, but still so terribly accurate with regards to the issues it explores-- in your face is sometimes what needs to be done, though it isn't comfortable, but it makes it harder to ignore and sweep under the carpet, or bury under polite terminology.

On a side note, the recent campaign had supporters of Trump saying they weren't racist, homophobic, or misogynist, but the fact that Trump's campaign was built, to some degree, on all three indicates that as a Trump supporter you are fine with those, even if you don't consider yourself a racist misogynist, or homophobe.  Clinton didn't run a campaign suggesting the government should move everything to private servers, and the government's internal watchdogs decided not to press charges for her perceived wrongs.  I don't pretend Clinton was the perfect candidate, but I still can't comprehend what was inherently wrong with her, because considering Trump, it wasn't her character, and considering the FBI basically cleared her on the email thing, it wasn't because there was dread over impending indictment, and considering her work as a Senator and as Secretary of State it wasn't because she was unqualified.  All that seems left is the female card, but I could be wrong and maybe there was something else (to do with the Clinton Foundation possibly?).  Anyway, my step-father's preferred candidate, one he called an idiot, is now president elect-- too bad I have no interest in supporting such a misogynistic, racist, and homophobe supporting bigot, so everyone will get at least four years of what I have listened to for the last eight.

Alt Right = Fascist Nincompoops

"Our lived experience is being a young, white person in 21st century America, [and] seeing your identity be demeaned.” -Richard B. Spencer (as quoted in the Atlantic)

I am not quite sure what he means by having your "white" identity demeaned.

Perhaps because I am gay I didn't notice my "white" identity being demeaned because
too many old white dudes were too busy telling me
     what I was allowed to do in my bedroom
     or who I was allowed to marry (which is still going on).
Perhaps I didn't notice it being demeaned because
I was paying too much attention to a war with Iraq,
    a war the US got into because old white men
    thought old white man thoughts.
Perhaps I didn't notice it being demeaned because
the banks took America for a ride
   raping the poor and enriching JP Morgan
   and Co (more old white men).
Perhaps I didn't notice it being demeaned because
not being a completely self-serving jerk off
   I was actually paying attention
   not lamenting with the old white men
            About times past, when the news didn't care about
            Lynching, Misogyny, Queers.
Perhaps I didn't notice it being demeaned because
while too many white folks -young & old- complain
  I have yet to figure out what they
  bemoan so loudly as to wish for the KKK to save the day.
Perhaps I didn't notice it being demeaned because
I believe Richard B Spencer is
  absolutely full of bullshit
  brandishing hate because he can.
Perhaps I didn't notice it being demeaned because
the "white" identity has never been demeaned--
  cultural sensitivity is not ranking cultures
  no one culture better than another (dunderheads all).
Perhaps I didn't notice it being demeaned because
while they voted for Trump, my parents
  also taught me to respect others
  though obviously that advice isn't for them.
             (Do as I say, not as I do--Mantra of parents everywhere.)
Perhaps I didn't notice it being demeaned because
I never felt demeaned because I am white
  no, but I have felt it because I am gay--
 


 

A Correlation too good not to post

As anyone looking at the photos of my book piles will attest, I generally have a bit much on the to read list.  Anyway, after I finished Smith's poetry earlier this evening, I picked up "Art in America," which is a series of essays, and which I started a few weeks back, reading something now and again as the mood struck.  Tonight, I was reading James Agee's "Introduction to Helen Levitt's A Way of Seeing,"  and what struck me most is that in much of Agee's description of photography, you could substitute internet and still be accurate.  All the hubbub over "Fake" news is what makes this section seem particularly important.

"It is probably well on the conservative side to estimate that during the past ten to fifteen years the camera has destroyed a thousand pairs of eyes, corrupted ten thousand, and seriously deceived a hundred thousand, for every one pair that it has opened, and taught."

That is the first bit that caught my attention.  Substitute internet for camera and the figures still likely match up.  The internet makes it incredibly easy to find something you can "believe," whether it is factual or not seems irrelevant, since, as the phrase goes, "it is on the internet."

"It is in fact hard to get the camera to tell the truth; yet it can be made to, in many ways and on many levels.  Some of the best photographs we are ever likely to see are innocent domestic snapshots, city postcards, and news and scientific photographs.  If we know how, moreover, we can enjoy and learn a great deal from essentially untrue photographs, such as studio portraits, movie romances, or the national and class types apotheosized in ads for insurance or feminine hygiene."

Again, replace camera with internet and this time replace photographs with websites.  Eventually you begin to see the picture that is being painted.  By website, I am referring to something lost in the ether, when the internet was newish and folks actually posted things on "their" website, rather than using Facebook or Google+.  Both of those allow some of that when you look at photos and ignore a newsfeed populated by friends rather than what the individual posted.  Facebook though, and I am guessing Google does it too, is automated enough that its hand in what can be posted can seem heavy, just recall the fracas over the Vietnamese girl Agent Orange picture when it surfaced in FB.  World famous photograph showing the horrors of war, but (until it reversed itself) FB thought it was pornography, because the girl was naked, and naked people are just not allowed.  In the age before that, if someone had complained, a computer would not have automatically censored the photo, which is why I mentioned the earlier age, before the hosting of "personal" websites actually became an act of giving all sorts of personal information to a corporate keeper.  (I am on both Google+ and Facebook, and realized Blogger is owned by Google, so I am not pretending anything or advising anyone to disconnect.)

Back to James Agee and what he said about photography.  I think the internet, for the casual peruser, can provide as much misinformation as a poorly cropped photo, where there are so many questions, it doesn't take much of a suggestion to answer them with nefarious suggestions.  Our last election cycle proved the truth of this.

Slow reading, but Poetry shouldn't be rush read

I finally finished Danez Smith's "[Insert] Boy" and was as impressed at the end as I was at the beginning.  Perhaps Neruda's "Book of Questions" wasn't the first, but in Smith's poem "Song of the Wreckage" he echoes Neruda with a series of questions.  The last three:

Who do the ants think has the best meat?

Please, will you show me something beautiful?

If I play dead, will I be acting my age?

While this Song near the end is one of the longest, if not the longest poem, in the book, I couldn't help stop and pause at these lines, especially the final one.  The entire collection deals with the gay black (african american) experience, and let me say, that his poems give an entire different light to the gay black versus gay white experience.  Aspects I could relate to, and others just moved me, and made me regret that we live in a society where such a loss of life is considered normal.  When this happened, I don't know, but too often the proof is in the newspapers, and it is an unpleasant truth, one that most Americans would pretend didn't exist.  While everyone is agreement that "Black Lives Matter," and most would argue the "ALL Lives Matter," what those people who insist on ALL are missing is that White Americans are much more "agreeable" to allowing a Black person die at the hands of the law or a vigilante than we are a White person, hence the emphasis that Black lives do matter, regardless of the indifference of Whites.  If it takes a protest to get notice, then by all means, get a protest going.  It is unfortunate that today's resurgence is just a repeat of history, and as a country we really haven't learned squat.

Before I head off to bed

I was wondering earlier today if my massive lapses in attention to this blog over the years weren't in part due to the fact that I get out of the habit of writing here.  Habits are hard to break, so I must not actually have managed to ever get into a proper one here, and I doubt that will change.  Tonight has been spent on the phone, playing Guild Wars 2, reading a Christmas romance short story, and adding a few more ornaments on the tree.  I think all of the family ornaments were hung earlier, but I hadn't put any reflective balls on it.  I think the frosted glass ornaments are pretty, and they give the tree an older feel than my plastic flamingo lights on the metallic champagne colored tree may actually deserve, but I have them, so I should use them.  I have a dozen or so medium gold balls to still hang, but that is probably tomorrow's project, and this entry is more to form habit than to share anything enlightening.

Back to the blog

I work weekends, so there is little chance I will update this on those days, unless it is before or after my twelve hour shift at work, and if it is after shift, I won't speak to how coherent any post is likely to be.  Anyway, today I received my order from Siglio Press.  Because the book I was interested in was fairly pricey, and I could get three + the one I wanted for $100, I opted to get the four.  I have started The Nancy Book, and the first essay was interesting, and my brief perusal of Joe Brainard's take on Nancy has also been fun, so if you have an interest in art from the late 60's to 70's, then I would suggest to take a gander.  One thing that struck me when I read the essay is that Joe apparently did not have much interest in making art for the investor market, so he quit rather than just produce for the sake of maximizing profits.  (The author did not put it quite this way, so you won't find that verbatim in the first essay.)

Other than that, I am still disappointed in our president-elect, and the closer we get to the inauguration, the less optimist I am, since he has yet to do anything that disproves my initial negative opinion of him, and if anything, he is increasing that bad opinion, but, hey, if he can disparage President Obama constantly for years, than certainly the populace has the ability to disparage Trump, right?  I think so, but it seems he gets a bit bent out of shape when others exercise their freedom of speech.

Frank O'Hara

One of the things I found interesting about Joe LeSueur's book (Digressions) was how totally ordinary he made Frank O'Hara's creative process seem.  He doesn't describe any great bit of drama or rituals, but rather the matter of fact style of much of the poetry relays fairly accurately the matter of fact way in which they were written.  Much of his poetry was the poetry of his days, perhaps not so esoteric as Pound, but at least it is relatable.  We all watch tv, and we have all seen movies, as well as listen to music.

I wonder sometimes if the more esoteric an author get, does it seem the audience is smaller, or just more pompous because they "get" the author?  I do think poetry should be relatable, because if it requires too much specialized knowledge, then it won't have any sort of audience.

Today's Fresh Poem (brought to you by a bit of confusion)

Here you go, what is currently obsessing me:

Fucking stupid gay white boy

Totally stressing

Race, idiotic to worry about, but

Over-ruling everything

Can I say I just like a poem?

Without mentioning the author’s race,

sexuality, gender, or whatever?

NO, I don’t want all poets to be 

Silly white boys pouting,

Complaining, kvetching,

But if the poem speaks, SINGS!

What matter the details of the poet?

Check Google+ today

All my news is there, except perhaps some comments to family on FB, though I am trying to minimize my use of that platform.  Today I read a nice article about a Reagan appointed judge who made the effort to welcome new citizens after the election, regardless of the rhetoric from the press-elect.  There was also a bit about tribal mineral rights, and whether Trump would find a way to finagle them from the tribes.  I doubt Trump truly cares about this, but as a businessman, he could certainly be swayed into seeing how money could be made by screwing the tribes over yet again.

I still haven't decorated my tree, but such is life.