Life has a way of letting things get lost in the shuffle. There have been a few things I wanted to be when I grew up, and none of them have come to fruition. The artist, whether writer or painter, well, the artist got lost in technique and practice. Unlike Van Gogh, I have not been driven to do either of them. I enjoy working at them, but if something distracts me, then I am likely to off and do that. Perhaps the worst thing about working that way is that nothing gets done--nothing more than a hobbiest painter or writer, and while some hobbiests can be quite good, the practice is still just a hobby.
Prompting this mess of self-reflection is a sick day and me trying to figure out what is going on. Too often I think I missed a boat somewhere or made the proverbial left when it should have been a right, though by no means has hilarity ensued.
My reading has been overtaken by the shadow of J.L. Borges. As I read Claudio Magris' Danube, I wonder if the books and authors he mentions are real. I feel a certainty the river itself and the cities on its banks exist, but books he mentions, are they real, and are they any less real because I know nothing of them. I am sure it is something that matters not, because if the books he mentions aren't real, there certainly must exist some book on a very similar topic, if not the exact same one.
I guess if I considered myself a painter or a writer, then I would do the respective activity, and that by not considering myself one, I curse myself to not doing the respective activity with any degree of regularity that would allow me to improve. Back and forth, at the mercy of a label, and of what you choose to call yourself, which makes me wonder how much self-determination is really involved in one's success. Does one make a labeling decision on one's own, or does one wait for the label to be bestowed? My guess is ones decides what one's label will be, then knows success has been had when others agree. Such profundities are the result of too little food & coffee.
1 comment:
Is labeling in this regard really all that much of a concern? One's gotta pick something eventually...
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